Inspiration

My flaws aren’t hidden; I embrace my shortcomings. The good, the bad, and the ugly is what I’ve made the last 25 years impactful in the lives of others. I’ve seen a number of highs and lows, peaks and valleys, the brightest days and the darkest nights, and I wouldn’t change anything that has occurred on my long journey.

If you change one thing, everything else changes. If I change one thing then maybe I don’t get the lesson involved that God intended for me to learn. I can’t say I would have changed anything, I wish I was armed with more information in my 20’s, but that’s what our 20’s are for in my brain. Is to trial and error. To make mistakes and go get your own information so your 30’s can be a bit more pleasurable.

People are telling me I changed their entire life and helped them through a tough time. Or saved them from wanting to kill themselves at one point. Or wanting to put the drink down. How do you quantify that? But the feeling I get when I hear that from all of these people around me. I believe God works through people, that feeling I get knowing that God has used me to touch other people if there was a way to quantify that that’s what I would say.

🙏🙏🙏

Reflections

There are 3 things in life that leave and never return: Words, Time and Opportunities — Therefore, value whoever values you and don’t treat as a priority whoever treats you as an option.

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There are two ways to be happy: Change the situation or Change your mindset towards it. Today I’m happy to be happy. I lied to myself for far too long in which like any lie does, it spreads upon others.

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Be a reflection of what you’d like to see in others! If you want Love, give Love. If you want Honesty, give Honesty. If you want Respect, give Respect. You get in Return, what you Give.

#Change4Change #NoLies #ImSorry #Recovery

Rock Bottom

Remember your Rock Bottom and how drinking/drugs took you there: My Rock Bottom was August 13, 2016 at my friend’s wedding.

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90+ degrees outside didn’t stop me from excessive drinking and excessive cocaine use. It didn’t help that I had heat exhaustion to almost a heat stroke. My body was saying stop but my mind was saying keep going, it will help. I decided to use drugs in the basement church bathroom and chug a flask of whiskey right before I had to stand up on the alter. I had to be the life of the party, what better way to get the wedding started right. I was in a place of worship and didn’t care I was sinning in God’s house. I was hiding this behavior the entire weekend from my wife and friends.

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But I wasn’t myself, internal and external. I was irritable, tired, happy, and angry all rolled into one. I was suppose to be celebrating a joyous marriage but instead I was dead inside and wanted to numb myself deeper that I could not feel anymore. I was mindless, heartless, and soulless. When the alcohol and drugs ran out I was still empty. This was my 5th of 7th wedding of 2016. I was exhuasted. I was tired of celebrating marriages when I wasn’t happy in my own.

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I put on the fake laughter, smiles, dancing etc. but needed to get back to the drugs and more open bar drinks to escape. Fun? No I wasn’t having Fun anymore. I was a couple more weeks away from my Breaking Point to Surrender. This day was The Beginning of The End.

#ThisCouldBeTheEnd #RawEmotions #KeepingItReal #Recovery

Stop Killing Me

This Blog is for the Wives, Husbands, Girlfriends, Boyfriends or Loved Ones.

You have traveled a rocky road. You have had a long rendezvous with hurt pride, frustration, self pity, misunderstanding and fear. We alcoholics or addicts are not pleasant companions. You have been driven to tears, sympathy and bitter resentment. Some of you hoping that one day your love one would be themselves once more.

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You have been unselfish and self sacrificing. You told lies to protect your love one’s pride and reputation. You prayed, begged, and tried to be patient. But you struck out, hid, ran away, became hysterical or just were terrified to approach them.

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You wake up with hopes of a new day, a new person but suddenly realize as the day goes on they didn’t change. Maybe for a couple hours, a week or two, but the gut in your stomach fears they will resort back to their old destructive ways.

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You love them so much and have no idea how to help them. Realize you are not the problem nor the solution. The alcoholic or addict has no idea how much they are being harmful to you or others. You can guide and suggest for them to get outside help without getting into arguments. Hard yes, but don’t give up. Never ever blame yourself. You are the strongest ones to live and come out of this environment. Sometimes as a last resort you have to let go and stop enabling too.

#RelationshipGoals #NotYourFault #StandByMe #Recovery

I’m an Addict

You don’t know me. Honestly, I can’t say that I blame you. I don’t even really know myself. But, you probably shouldn’t know me. I had built such a habit out of drinking and drugging that for me to physically bring myself to participate in life, I felt like I had to be on something. My addictions were telling me I needed to do it just so I could eat, enhance things, or solve my problems.

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Eventually every Drug Addict has their last high, every Alcoholic has their last drunk. Those of us that got clean and sober get to talk about ours. Recovery is possible, start your journey and share your story. What’s Holding you back is the thought that something is Holding you back.

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A pretty good judge of character, maybe I mistaked a few. Cut some people off, but had no choice, it’s what they made me do. Why would you take advantage when it’s something I’d have gave to you? And in the long run, it doesn’t take from me, it takes from you. Speak your heart. If they don’t understand, the message was never meant for them anyway.

#SpeakTheTruth #KnowWhoYouAre #Recovery

Real Eyes, Realize, Real Lies

Almost 3 years ago was the day I put the drink down and when some turned their voices down to me. Everybody isn’t your friend. Never beg someone to be in your life. If you text, call, visit and still get ignored, walk away. It’s called Self-Respect. Fake Friends are like shadows: Always near you at your brightest moments, but nowhere to be seen at your darkest hour. True Friends are like the stars, you don’t always see them but you know they are always there.

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Some people think the truth can be hidden with a little cover-up or decoration. But as time goes by, what is true is revealed and what is fake fades away. People pretend well. Respect people who find time for you in their busy schedule. But Love people who never look at their schedule when you need them.

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I do not post on here to come off malicious or offensive. I’ve worked a 12-step recovery program to better myself, not to continue to slander and harm others. What I say and how its perceived can be taken with a grain of salt. Respond less to rude, critical, and argumentative people…life is more peaceful.

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We are not given a good life nor a bad life. We are given Life. It’s up to us to make it good or bad. I Live to be #Good. #Peace #Sobriety #Recovery