Deadbeat Dad

All I can think of to say to my father is…

Hey “Dad” I did it without you.

To the man who abandoned me 25+ years ago, Thank You. You showed me that not only can I survive without you, but that I can build my own life that doesn’t involve you or any memories of you. Yes, there are things that I inherited from you (your facial features and your humor) but when I look at myself, I no longer see you. I see a confident young man who has overcome his past demons and is creating a brighter future for himself and his family.

_____

Yes, there are still times where I want to ask him why wasn’t/isn’t he a great father to begin with? But knowing the second he open his mouth a spew of lies will outwardly follow. Being a coward, why speak ill words about my mother? The second half of my creation yet you play the blame game to her parenting skills. But most importantly why you left me to grow up without you. But I’ve realized that doing that will destroy any blockade I have in my mind of you, because my times with you weren’t pleasant at all. How many more lives can you affect — from my sister, to your sisters, to my wife, to your granddaughter, and so on and so on. The term Cancer is the first thing that comes to mind. You manipulate and play the poor victim to others around you.

_____

Recently I’ve been told by numerous family members and friends to “forgive and forget” or “be the bigger man”. Yet the funny part of that all is: I HAVE ALREADY. AA has taught me not to hold onto past resentments, to let go of anger, and to forgive. There’s two sides to every story: I’m living a righteous life of years of being clean and sober. The other side hasn’t cleaned their side of the street yet they speak ignorance. So thank you, thank you for leaving my life without a proper goodbye. Thank you for giving me a better life. I’ve done so well without you “Dad”.

#BiggerMan #Maturity #Honesty #Recovery

Open Letter to Me

(An Open Letter)

Dear Self:

It’s me, you.

I have been writing to other people who are significant in my life, but I realized I have never ever written one to myself.

How have you been? You and I have been on quite a journey the past few years. We have hugged our knees praying, cried for hours till the tears dried, the throat hurt and the nose blocked, yet we continued crying. We have sat there on the shower floor, just in daze at that stormy situation that surrounded us. We have drank so much alcohol to numb that pain. That heart wrenching pain is real.

You and I, we also pushed ourselves to use different drugs and try different alcoholic beverages. I have seen you have everything you probably wanted. I have also seen you losing it all, suddenly and perhaps in a cruel way. Life is not a straight line, there are ups and downs. It is a series of twists and turns.

I am sorry for all those times where I wanted to tear you apart. I am sorry for all the times I let you hang your head down low, for all the times I let you win, and beat myself up because of those insecurities. I was not strong enough to encourage, support and appreciate you.

I know life has been tough for you the past few years but you have done quite a good job to stay alive. I have seen you plummet to the state of despair and depress. Thank you for not giving up. You know, I am extremely proud that you managed to survive through that suicide.

Have you noticed lately how much you have changed? I did. You have improved much more. You are now much confident to speak up on things on your mind and rise up to challenges. You are now able to sleep soundly without drugs or alcohol. You have a gorgeous baby, who is thriving. She will benefit from all these lessons you are learning, so although it is a tremendous strain, remember she will learn from your strength to get through this.

As I am writing this letter, you have not fully figured out how your life will be yet. Let’s make a pact. Come back to re-read this letter 5 years later, and update me how you are doing. I truly hope that by that time, you have found your happiness and that you have followed a path that you are proud of.

Remember, behind those dark clouds, the sun is still shining.

You have got through this far. Continue to be strong. Do not stop loving. Do not stop caring.

You are always loved, by me. I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am the tunnel.

Above all else, be true to yourself.

Hugs & Kisses

Love you,

Me

Open Letter 2 my Friends

(An Open Letter)

Dear Friends:

Pen & Pad:

When I was going to commit suicide the Pen & Pad were by my side. They saw and felt the tears. They felt the pain and anguish. They were the rhyme of reason. They said STOP!

Jack Daniels, Budweiser, Pills & Cocaine:

You were by my side always at arms reach. You were my protectors and saviors. You got me through my Highs and Lows (literally and figuratively). You always said yes and didn’t take no for an answer. Road Trips, Vacations, Holidays and Celebrations you were right there with me. You never judged me. You asked me how I’m feeling and What’s Wrong? You said GO!

____

What is a Friend?

A person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection.

A person who has a strong liking for and trust in another person.

A person who is not an enemy friend or foe.

A person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

A person who gives assistance, patron, or supporter.

____

Friends: Everyone thinks they have them. Most are quick to throw the label on any Jack or Jill who hangs around adorned with a smile, a few jokes, and good conversation. But how many of us really have authentic ride-or-die? How many of us know what a genuine friend is? It took me some time to figure it out, but through my experiences, I eventually learned the meaning of a true friend.

___

Sometimes we get wrapped up in people just because we spend a little time with them or feel connected to their personalities. I for one can attest to this. There have been plenty times where I’ve prematurely categorized people as allies just because we hung out, shared laughs, and a few fun-filled episodes. And I won’t mention how many of those same so-called comrades turned out to be backstabbers who betrayed me, deceived me, and were non-existent when I needed them most.

Sincerely,

Charles Louis King

Dear Absentee Dad,

All I can think of to say to my father is…

Hey “Dad” I did it without you.

To the man who abandoned me 25+ years ago, Thank You. You showed me that not only can I survive without you, but that I can build my own life that doesn’t involve you or any memories of you. Yes, there are things that I inherited from you (your facial features and your humor) but when I look at myself, I no longer see you. I see a confident young man who has overcome his past demons and is creating a brighter future for himself and his family.

_____

Yes, there are still times where I want to ask him why wasn’t/isn’t he a great father to begin with? But knowing the second he open his mouth a spew of lies will outwardly follow. Being a coward, why speak ill words about my mother? The second half of my creation yet you play the blame game to her parenting skills. But most importantly why you left me to grow up without you. But I’ve realized that doing that will destroy any blockade I have in my mind of you, because my times with you weren’t pleasant at all. How many more lives can you affect — from my sister, to your sisters, to my wife, to your granddaughter, and so on and so on. The term Cancer is the first thing that comes to mind. You manipulate and play the poor victim to others around you.

_____

Recently I’ve been told by numerous family members and friends to “forgive and forget” or “be the bigger man”. Yet the funny part of that all is: I HAVE ALREADY. AA has taught me not to hold onto past resentments, to let go of anger, and to forgive. There’s two sides to every story: I’m living a righteous life of years of being clean and sober. The other side hasn’t cleaned their side of the street yet they speak ignorance. So thank you, thank you for leaving my life without a proper goodbye. Thank you for giving me a better life. I’ve done so well without you “Dad”.

#BiggerMan #Maturity #Honesty