Stand By Me

This Blog Post is for the Wives, Husbands, Girlfriends, Boyfriends or Loved Ones.

You have traveled a rocky road. You have had a long rendezvous with hurt pride, frustration, self pity, misunderstanding and fear. We alcoholics or addicts are not pleasant companions. You have been driven to tears, sympathy and bitter resentment. Some of you hoping that one day your love one would be themselves once more.


You have been unselfish and self sacrificing. You told lies to protect your love one’s pride and reputation. You prayed, begged, and tried to be patient. But you struck out, hid, ran away, became hysterical or just were terrified to approach them.


You wake up with hopes of a new day, a new person but suddenly realize as the day goes on they didn’t change. Maybe for a couple hours, a week or two, but the gut in your stomach fears they will resort back to their old destructive ways.


You love them so much and have no idea how to help them. Realize you are not the problem nor the solution. The alcoholic or addict has no idea how much they are being harmful to you or others. You can guide and suggest for them to get outside help without getting into arguments. Hard yes, but don’t give up. Never ever blame yourself. You are the strongest ones to live and come out of this environment. Sometimes as a last resort you have to let go and stop enabling too.

RelationshipGoals #NotYourFault #StandByMe #Recovery

BlackLivesMatter

I’m Frustrated!

Frustrated at the actions of the people who are suppose to protect.

Frustrated that right now my skin makes me a logical suspect.

Frustrated that it’s 2020 & there’s still White People who will view me as a threat.

Frustrated that it can be me, my dad, my sister, my mother or my kids that are next.

And please I apologize of the vulgar nature of my words.

But I’m frustrated at the fact this injustice still occurs.

I’m frustrated at the blind eye, the back and forth on my FB newsfeed timeline.

I’m frustrated that we yelling but still our voices never heard.

Ignored by the system who says me as a person has rights too.

But how can you fight for a system when the system rather fight you.

Ignored by the media who sees first hand where the verdict may fall.

And instead of speaking with common decency they say “well the video doesn’t tell it all”.

Ignored by the cops a.k.a worlds most dangerous crew.

Because right now the Blacks don’t look like the worlds most dangerous blue.

Me being a black man, gives me more reason to be scared to get slained by the blue.

They say follow the guidelines and you’ll be safe I say shiiiittttttttt.

How can I follow the guidelines when you keep changing the rules?

They scream…Hands up! I’m like nope don’t want to get gunned down.

I can’t have a bag of skittles without getting gunned down.

I can’t have a hair brush in my pocket, if you ask me for my ID, I can’t reach for my wallet.

I can’t sleep I can’t breathe I can’t be in my church or my crib.

I can’t be face down in the pavement with 4 cops on my back holding my hands, I can’t live!

I’m talking to the police who have it in their mind it’s open season to kill us down in the street.

I’m talking to the news who always have an excuse for them boys in blue, take a seat.

Is my own people going against my own people when all we need is unity.

My own people saying negative comments about my own people fighting for this community.

Is denouncing your race just because your shade made differ.

Because in they eyes, light medium or dark we all still…

Help,
No matter your race now is the time to speak.
All lives matter yes, but right now black lives is catching the heat.

The police need help, help with training or maybe a better course.

So they can learn the gun is not your first option and should be the last resort.

Help,
Because TV is going to paint us as the villains.

Say our reaction came with no cause to distract the world from the killings.

And I know You hearing our cries for help but instead of responding back.

You just sit and watch and wait for all of this to just pass.

But think, if you just stand up and say “This must stop, we gotta do better”.

We can stop the downpour and Prepare for the weather.

Think of the impact, if the police spoke to us ALL.

And said “those policed failed to do there job and will be punished by law”.

Think if a judge took a stance and said enough is enough!

And didn’t give light sentences only ones that were tough.

Think of right now, and the trends that we see.

And how the law may say it now but it’s clear we ain’t free.

Think fight
Not with guns, but with a voice that’s clear to speak

Think fight
Not with your hands but To wake people who are sleep.

Think fight
Not the physical but for the right to live free.

Think fight!

#BlackLivesMatter

My Baby Boy!!!

Quentin Rexford King 🤴🏽—

Your baby hand:
so strong, so small.
Your fragile head;
I won’t let you fall.

Your eyes are closed,
and you’re asleep;
yet you are perfect
from hair to feet.

Come, open your eyes!
I want to see if they are brown or blue.
Open your eyes
to see me say, “I love you.”

I saw you when you
were few hours old,
wrapped in a blanket
so you would’t get cold.

Little baby Quentin,
I’ll always be with you.
Little baby Quentin,
I’ll always love you. ❤️

You’re My Baby Boy!!!

Love Affair

I’ve been strong for far too long. I just couldn’t keep the pace. I’ve been carrying on, driving down the same old streets. I’m losing faith, starting to lose face. Seems it’s the same from day-to-day, seems nothing ever changes. I’ve nothing left to lose, there’s nothing left to gain. I’m all out of things to say. The drugs only kill the pain for just so long, just one more line. I think, and I’ll be able to go on. I’ve run out of money, I’m down to my last shot of whiskey. I know if I keep this up this lifestyle will kill me. I think I NEED HELP.

Hold me close, don’t let me go. I find myself becoming my own worst enemy. Hold me tight, don’t let my mind take flight. It’s getting harder for me to breathe. I need a helping hand, someone to save me from myself, because I don’t think I can, and I don’t know how much more I can stand. I feel I’ve lost my mind, all concepts of time, I go to extremes just to unwind. I think I NEED HELP.

I’m sorry if my words have brought you down, it seems like you’re always around, for the good and the bad days, when I’m feeling crazy, a touch insane. You get it all, the best of me and the worst of me, now that I’m down on my knees, crying please, I realize it’s you who whispers to me calmly, soothing away the misery. It’s you who makes me want to straighten out to get clean and sober. I know there’s a better way to ease my pain. I don’t need alcohol or drugs to make myself feel sane, I have you to brighten those darker days. I GOT HELP.

— Charles King — GratefulRecoveringAlcoholicAddict

#LoveInAllTheWrongPlaces

No Love Lost

Apologies to my Exes and women I womanized. No this isn’t my confessions. Sorry, just an appreciation of your time and investment, patience and efforts. Having you all was part of a blessing. You all belong on a pedestal. No hard feelings, no love lost. No bad blood, your love is a bad drug. But better to have love than no love at all.

Disciplining my habits, went distant on my attachments. I had to turn my presence to absence. Stuck in a cage, questioning the hours and days. I’m in my Depressional stage, my tunnel vision is starting to fade. I started to marry my thoughts, already engaged. Not knowing my next move had me going insane. I depended on Alcohol to get me over the pain. Praying my habit didn’t turn for the worst. It turned me to pills and cocaine. I won’t allow this temporary pain to turn to a stain.

I want to live but my joy for life is stuck in the grave. God I need you more than ever, I was hoping you came. I was so used to holding life in, it’s kind of hard to explain. I was misunderstood. Far from perfect, did a lot of stupid, crazy things I knew I shouldn’t. Ducking my demons but they coming back like a speeding bullet. My life is crazy out here, it’s like I love it and I hate it out here. I have to be mentally stable to know these 3 words…I Am Sorry.

❤️

My Recovery

This is to anyone whose hearts I shattered in active addictions:

Before I identified myself as an Alcoholic or a drug Addict, my view of any addiction consisted of dirty needles and DUIs and jails and drinking out of brown paper bags under bridges (Sure that wasn’t me). I pictured bruises on children’s’ faces after fathers would stumble in drunk and screaming at 3 AM, and families begging their loved ones just to “stop.” I didn’t understand how someone could “let themselves” get to that point. They didn’t care about their wives? Their husbands? Their children?

______

Then I got drunk and high for the very first time. I felt peace like I had never known. The tornado in my head had finally ceased tossing words and time and emotions around, and I didn’t have to feel. I didn’t have to think about anything else, and I didn’t have to worry. I was no longer afraid.

Looking back, I know now I was an alcoholic and addict long before I picked up any drink or drug. My disease came from a hole inside of me, which I stuffed with thing after thing after thing and nothing was ever enough. Faster than I could have imagined, that wonderful feeling of being drunk and high became a necessity. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t eat, couldn’t LIVE without booze or drugs.

______

The very things that were destroying me, that were eating my soul, were the things that seemed to be keeping me alive. I lied, I cheated, I stole, I doubted myself and my friends and lost trust in everyone and everything around me. I was underwater with a ball and chain around my foot, and my disease was at the bottom celebrating its’ new victory. I didn’t feel guilt about the things I was doing. I didn’t allow myself to because all I knew was chasing that next thrill and high. I hurt so many people, and most of all I hurt myself.

My addictions dragged me down faster than I ever thought something could. I didn’t catch it in time, or maybe I just didn’t care. I couldn’t stop. I wouldn’t stop. I didn’t want to stop. My disease convinced me that the hell I was living was better than even thinking about getting clean. And I believed my insidious disease. It became the only thing in my life that I trusted.

______

When I went to rehab treatment I heard stories. I heard stories about people who had it so much harder than I did, and that they managed to stay clean for unfathomable amounts of time. I couldn’t hold together my first 22 hours, and this man/woman just celebrated 22 years of continuous sobriety ?! I couldn’t believe it. My path of becoming alive again, actually living, began right then and there. I didn’t know it yet, but the seed of hope had been planted.

#TheFactsOfLife #MyRecovery 🙏❤️

Reflections

There are 3 things in life that leave and never return: Words, Time and Opportunities — Therefore, value whoever values you and don’t treat as a priority whoever treats you as an option.

____

There are two ways to be happy: Change the situation or Change your mindset towards it. Today I’m happy to be happy. I lied to myself for far too long in which like any lie does, it spreads upon others.

____

Be a reflection of what you’d like to see in others! If you want Love, give Love. If you want Honesty, give Honesty. If you want Respect, give Respect. You get in Return, what you Give.

#Change4Change #NoLies #ImSorry #Recovery

Stop Killing Me

This Blog is for the Wives, Husbands, Girlfriends, Boyfriends or Loved Ones.

You have traveled a rocky road. You have had a long rendezvous with hurt pride, frustration, self pity, misunderstanding and fear. We alcoholics or addicts are not pleasant companions. You have been driven to tears, sympathy and bitter resentment. Some of you hoping that one day your love one would be themselves once more.

_____

You have been unselfish and self sacrificing. You told lies to protect your love one’s pride and reputation. You prayed, begged, and tried to be patient. But you struck out, hid, ran away, became hysterical or just were terrified to approach them.

_____

You wake up with hopes of a new day, a new person but suddenly realize as the day goes on they didn’t change. Maybe for a couple hours, a week or two, but the gut in your stomach fears they will resort back to their old destructive ways.

_____

You love them so much and have no idea how to help them. Realize you are not the problem nor the solution. The alcoholic or addict has no idea how much they are being harmful to you or others. You can guide and suggest for them to get outside help without getting into arguments. Hard yes, but don’t give up. Never ever blame yourself. You are the strongest ones to live and come out of this environment. Sometimes as a last resort you have to let go and stop enabling too.

#RelationshipGoals #NotYourFault #StandByMe #Recovery

By Your Side

Dear Daughter,

You know I Love and Cherish you. While you were still in your mom’s womb, I sung to you so you would know my voice. I can still feel your trusting body on my shoulder when, as an infant, you abandoned yourself in my arms in a peaceful slumber. Your little hands are still holding tightly to my pinkies as you were taking your first steps. You are, in my mind, the toddler running to the door joyfully screaming “Dada, Dada, Dada” when I come to pick you up from daycare.

As a first time father, I do my best to care for you, teach and guide you along life’s paths. I will make many mistakes because you are the guinea pig. But then, you will be a fine specimen and I do not have to deviate too much from the many books I read about parenting. Still, I have to gingerly walk through the years of teaching to put the values I consider important into your heart.

You are, beautiful inside and out. Your smile brings me overwhelming joy. Your sweetness melts my heart. Your laughs and cries light my world. I read that girls grow up confident and possess self-respect if their father showed them love constantly. For that reason, I stay by your side often to let you know that you are so loved that you don’t need to look for love elsewhere.

Love,

Xoxo

Dada

Open Letter 2 my Sister

(An Open Letter)

Dear Sister:

From childhood to adulthood we teased and irritated each other but at the end of the day we can’t live without each other. I’ve made you cry, you’ve made me cry. Those tears were love, joy, pain and sympathy. We know each other’s hearts. We know what makes us tick. We share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets.

You are my only sibling, the one that I look up to for advice, support and vent to. You didn’t get the addiction gene from our parents and I don’t fault you for that. I try to shed light to the matter and not make it a private family matter. We all die one day so there’s no need to go to our graves with skeletons in our closet. You don’t understand my alcoholism, drug addiction and mental illness. But that’s ok. You never judge and willing to learn about me with your 21 questions.

We are cut from the same cloth but chose different paths in life. You never saw my destruction coming because I hid it so well. You laughed and thought that’s Charles being Charles. In reality I was to scared to reach out to you. I’m an alcoholic who hated himself when he didn’t drink. Not only did I lose my sister but I lost a friend that really knows me. We don’t say I love you to one another but our actions speak the love not spoken. I love you Big Sis.

Sincerely,

Your Brother

Charles