I’m An Alcoholic

I knew something was wrong with me and drinking for a long while before I started to seriously consider cutting it out. This is because the thought of a life without alcohol seemed to me to be entirely unimaginable. My entire life was BUILT around alcohol.

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I made it a point of avoiding dry events and dry people, eating dinner out was conditioned right to the drink menu, vacations were excuses to be day drunk. I had to pre-game before the pre-game. I could go on and on. On the other hand, I LOATHED what it was doing to my looks, my self-esteem, my time, my world, my mental health, my maturity, my emotional balance, my wallet, etc. I literally hated it. But living without it seemed like the end of the world. Or at least the end of my world.

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So I did what most people do – I tried to prove to myself that I could moderate it so I could keep it in my life. I tried to limit it to weekends. I ditched it for two days here or one week there. I’d try and limit it to a specific number of drinks. I even tried diluting my whiskey straight with water – to slow my drinking down. None of this ever worked. I’d just end up either obsessing over it or making exceptions to the rules or completely going off the deep end despite myself, and then inevitably, beating the crap out of myself about it.

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If you are in this place – the one where you KNOW that alcohol is screwing with your life and something must be done, but the thought of giving up the “good parts” seems unacceptable – and you’re still searching for a way to

control it and keep it in your life…Ask for Help.

#ControlledDrinkingWasntTheAnswer

#ImAnAlcoholic

#NoDesires

#Recovery

Open Letter 2 my Sister

(An Open Letter)

Dear Sister:

From childhood to adulthood we teased and irritated each other but at the end of the day we can’t live without each other. I’ve made you cry, you’ve made me cry. Those tears were love, joy, pain and sympathy. We know each other’s hearts. We know what makes us tick. We share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets.

You are my only sibling, the one that I look up to for advice, support and vent to. You didn’t get the addiction gene from our parents and I don’t fault you for that. I try to shed light to the matter and not make it a private family matter. We all die one day so there’s no need to go to our graves with skeletons in our closet. You don’t understand my alcoholism, drug addiction and mental illness. But that’s ok. You never judge and willing to learn about me with your 21 questions.

We are cut from the same cloth but chose different paths in life. You never saw my destruction coming because I hid it so well. You laughed and thought that’s Charles being Charles. In reality I was to scared to reach out to you. I’m an alcoholic who hated himself when he didn’t drink. Not only did I lose my sister but I lost a friend that really knows me. We don’t say I love you to one another but our actions speak the love not spoken. I love you Big Sis.

Sincerely,

Your Brother

Charles

Open Letter to Me

(An Open Letter)

Dear Self:

It’s me, you.

I have been writing to other people who are significant in my life, but I realized I have never ever written one to myself.

How have you been? You and I have been on quite a journey the past few years. We have hugged our knees praying, cried for hours till the tears dried, the throat hurt and the nose blocked, yet we continued crying. We have sat there on the shower floor, just in daze at that stormy situation that surrounded us. We have drank so much alcohol to numb that pain. That heart wrenching pain is real.

You and I, we also pushed ourselves to use different drugs and try different alcoholic beverages. I have seen you have everything you probably wanted. I have also seen you losing it all, suddenly and perhaps in a cruel way. Life is not a straight line, there are ups and downs. It is a series of twists and turns.

I am sorry for all those times where I wanted to tear you apart. I am sorry for all the times I let you hang your head down low, for all the times I let you win, and beat myself up because of those insecurities. I was not strong enough to encourage, support and appreciate you.

I know life has been tough for you the past few years but you have done quite a good job to stay alive. I have seen you plummet to the state of despair and depress. Thank you for not giving up. You know, I am extremely proud that you managed to survive through that suicide.

Have you noticed lately how much you have changed? I did. You have improved much more. You are now much confident to speak up on things on your mind and rise up to challenges. You are now able to sleep soundly without drugs or alcohol. You have a gorgeous baby, who is thriving. She will benefit from all these lessons you are learning, so although it is a tremendous strain, remember she will learn from your strength to get through this.

As I am writing this letter, you have not fully figured out how your life will be yet. Let’s make a pact. Come back to re-read this letter 5 years later, and update me how you are doing. I truly hope that by that time, you have found your happiness and that you have followed a path that you are proud of.

Remember, behind those dark clouds, the sun is still shining.

You have got through this far. Continue to be strong. Do not stop loving. Do not stop caring.

You are always loved, by me. I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am the tunnel.

Above all else, be true to yourself.

Hugs & Kisses

Love you,

Me

Open Letter 2 my Friends

(An Open Letter)

Dear Friends:

Pen & Pad:

When I was going to commit suicide the Pen & Pad were by my side. They saw and felt the tears. They felt the pain and anguish. They were the rhyme of reason. They said STOP!

Jack Daniels, Budweiser, Pills & Cocaine:

You were by my side always at arms reach. You were my protectors and saviors. You got me through my Highs and Lows (literally and figuratively). You always said yes and didn’t take no for an answer. Road Trips, Vacations, Holidays and Celebrations you were right there with me. You never judged me. You asked me how I’m feeling and What’s Wrong? You said GO!

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What is a Friend?

A person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection.

A person who has a strong liking for and trust in another person.

A person who is not an enemy friend or foe.

A person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

A person who gives assistance, patron, or supporter.

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Friends: Everyone thinks they have them. Most are quick to throw the label on any Jack or Jill who hangs around adorned with a smile, a few jokes, and good conversation. But how many of us really have authentic ride-or-die? How many of us know what a genuine friend is? It took me some time to figure it out, but through my experiences, I eventually learned the meaning of a true friend.

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Sometimes we get wrapped up in people just because we spend a little time with them or feel connected to their personalities. I for one can attest to this. There have been plenty times where I’ve prematurely categorized people as allies just because we hung out, shared laughs, and a few fun-filled episodes. And I won’t mention how many of those same so-called comrades turned out to be backstabbers who betrayed me, deceived me, and were non-existent when I needed them most.

Sincerely,

Charles Louis King

Open Letter 2 Mom & Dad

(An Open Letter)

Dear Mom & Dad:

MOM: In my mid twenties, when my drinking was not yet out of control, we started bonding over a few drinks. A few drinks lead to different roads but the same outcome…Alcoholism.

DAD: I know my daddy sitting in that daze going crazy. Thinking about his little boy Charlie, like his life amazing. But he doesn’t even owe me. That’s my daddy but he doesn’t really even know me. They say Charles you grew up, you grew up without a father.

But I see now that shit really just made me grind harder. The Lies will be forever in your…Addiction

My mama use to pray for me every night I was thinking maybe I’m going straight to hell. The devil got a hold of me but I gotta let him go. I just kept praying for escape and serenity.

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As a former young alcoholic/addict and now a slightly older recovering alcoholic/addict, I don’t have anything original to contribute other than my own experience. My story is inspiring and remarkable except for the fact that an absolute miracle happened 3 years ago, and I continue to be blessed everyday with a life that I never could have imagined.

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My personal experience with addiction and recovery hopefully will resonate with some readers and provide some insight, comfort, and hope. They say you’re a product of your environment. Growing up watching you two parents destroy your bodies from addictions I sure was following your path but you didn’t make me an alcoholic/addict. Long before I took my first drink or used my first drug, I started on a path that led me into my addictions.

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At least in my experience, no amount of intervention could have prevented me from making the choices I made. I was a deadly combination of naïve, stubborn, foolish, and scared, and I got there on my own.

Sincerely,

Charles Louis King

Open Letter 2 my Daughter

(An Open Letter)

Dear Daughter:

It’s difficult being me. But we are one in the same. You can’t talk right now but your face says it all. You melt my heart and make daddy’s mental state disappear. Don’t get discouraged. My beloved pain and mental illness is part of life.

I promise you that I will turn every tear you’ve ever cried into Joy. I will use our pain for a divine purpose. Don’t ever try to hide your hurts from me and I will never hide mine to you. We are ONE. Your love is my love. Your pain is my pain. I’m the only one who can handle your heart ❤️ and restore you to health again.

As you grow older you will encounter pain, rejection and anger. I too, have felt but we will get through every trial and tribulation together. Hold my hand for I will ALWAYS lead you back to my place of peace and joy after the storm. The sun forever shines bright on you and our hearts will heal together.

My 🌹ose, my princess, when you go through deep rivers of difficultly, you will not drown because I’m there holding your head above water.

I’m your Dada, your King, and your Healer.

I Love You,

xoxo

Dada

Mr. 1000

Day 1000…WoW! I never thought I could put together 1000 straight Days of not drinking, drugging or gambling. Hell, I never thought I could put together 1000 Hours. But I realized it’s One Day At A Time.

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I could always admit I was an alcoholic drug addict and I could never imagine feeling grateful about it. At almost three years clean and sober, my views have completely changed. I now count myself as one of those crazy people who believes they are truly lucky to be an alcoholic drug addict. The main reason I consider myself to be lucky to have accepted and overcome my addiction is that it has completely transformed my life. I’m a different person from who I was three years ago. I’ve gone from hopeless to hopeful.

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I’ve finally become the person I was always meant to be, and I’ve done it by admitting that alcohol and drugs no longer belongs in my life. If I didn’t take that first step, I wouldn’t have the career, relationships, and happiness I am so grateful to have. It’s because of my addiction that I am where I am today. I never knew just saying the simple words “I am an alcoholic and drug addict” could be the catalyst to all of my joy. #OneDayAtaTime

#GratefulRecoveringAlcoholicAddict