Substances

The suppression of my darkness and my shadow self-came to a head almost 5 years ago as I found myself toeing the line between life and death as I battled Alcoholism and Drug Addiction. For me, my addictions became the band-aids for the deep bleeding wounds I had been suppressing and denying my whole life.


I was playing with fire. The fire of Alcoholism and Drug Addiction. I was miserable, hopeless, discontent, angry, and bitter. And I really just wanted to be numb because I saw no way out of the hole I was living in. I was living on the outskirts of society, and I was closer to death than I was to being alive. My mental illness was mixed with my addictions that I was a walking torch.


I was in agony and I couldn’t admit it. See, I had spent most of my life in pain that I couldn’t talk about, and this was the culmination of years of stuffing my feelings, ignoring my emotions, and blocking the flow of energy within me. I was suffering from a massive disconnect from my soul which resulted in my utter inability to connect with those around me.

#SubstanceAbuseDisorder

#MentalHealthAwarenessMonth

Genie in a Coke Bottle

I found my Genie, she was hiding in the coke bottle shaped lines. Mind altering thoughts that intertwined with my moods. I went toe to toe, blow for blow that I became a competitive coke head going line for line. I was high all the time literally and figuratively, but the crash was gut-wrenching. I’m Numb.


I had that dope sick love, that dope sick hate. Talking a mile a minute, heart like speed racer to ending with shakes and sweats. How could you make me feel so low that I continued to snort so much to bring me back that high? You were so light but brought me heavy burden. You were so pure but polluted my body. Drip Drip.


The 2nd most addictive substance in the world and I mixed you with the 5th most: Alcohol. You two were peas in a pod. My Bonnie & Clyde. I needed my stimulant and my depressant to level myself out. You two were a bad mama jama. I took you for granted and became paralyzed to the disease. I’m blessed to be alive but forever a drug addict.

#GratefulRecoveringAlcoholicAddict