Addictions

You don’t know me. Honestly, I can’t say that I blame you. I don’t even really know myself. But, you probably shouldn’t know me. I had built such a habit out of drinking and drugging that for me to physically bring myself to participate in life, I felt like I had to be on something. My addictions were telling me I needed to do it just so I could eat, enhance things, or solve my problems.


Eventually every Drug Addict has their last high, every Alcoholic has their last drunk. Those of us that got clean and sober get to talk about ours. Recovery is possible, start your journey and share your story. What’s Holding you back is the thought that something is Holding you back.


A pretty good judge of character, maybe I mistaked a few. Cut some people off, but had no choice, it’s what they made me do. Why would you take advantage when it’s something I’d have gave to you? And in the long run, it doesn’t take from me, it takes from you. Speak your heart. If they don’t understand, the message was never meant for them anyway.

#SpeakTheTruth #KnowWhoYouAre #Recovery

Lost Child

Little left behind child,
Where did your father go?
Did he step on your little fingers
To reach his hands of drugs more lovely
Less deserving
Of his plum dark love?

Little lost Charles,
Where did your mother go?
Was she swept up in a breeze too kind
Too harsh
To take a child as well?
I forgive you, as well as my sister Shantel.

Little lonely Charles,
Where did your family go?
Did the loss that gripped them
Take out its anger on you,
Such a cruel fate
On such an undeserving target.

Little lovely Charles,
Where did your home go?
Did you run far, far away,
Never to return,
Never to look back
And realize your mistake too late?

Charles,
What will you become?
Now that your baby teeth are gone
And your eyes no longer innocent
Is anything the same?
Is the lovely, lonely, lost child still left?

Alcoholic, Drug Addict, Compulsive Gambler
Bipolar, Depression, Anxiety, Liar, Cheater,
Manipulator, Thief
What monster did I become?
Family please help now and stay by my side.

Charles King– Lost Child

Substances

The suppression of my darkness and my shadow self-came to a head almost 5 years ago as I found myself toeing the line between life and death as I battled Alcoholism and Drug Addiction. For me, my addictions became the band-aids for the deep bleeding wounds I had been suppressing and denying my whole life.


I was playing with fire. The fire of Alcoholism and Drug Addiction. I was miserable, hopeless, discontent, angry, and bitter. And I really just wanted to be numb because I saw no way out of the hole I was living in. I was living on the outskirts of society, and I was closer to death than I was to being alive. My mental illness was mixed with my addictions that I was a walking torch.


I was in agony and I couldn’t admit it. See, I had spent most of my life in pain that I couldn’t talk about, and this was the culmination of years of stuffing my feelings, ignoring my emotions, and blocking the flow of energy within me. I was suffering from a massive disconnect from my soul which resulted in my utter inability to connect with those around me.

#SubstanceAbuseDisorder

#MentalHealthAwarenessMonth

Genie in a Coke Bottle

I found my Genie, she was hiding in the coke bottle shaped lines. Mind altering thoughts that intertwined with my moods. I went toe to toe, blow for blow that I became a competitive coke head going line for line. I was high all the time literally and figuratively, but the crash was gut-wrenching. I’m Numb.


I had that dope sick love, that dope sick hate. Talking a mile a minute, heart like speed racer to ending with shakes and sweats. How could you make me feel so low that I continued to snort so much to bring me back that high? You were so light but brought me heavy burden. You were so pure but polluted my body. Drip Drip.


The 2nd most addictive substance in the world and I mixed you with the 5th most: Alcohol. You two were peas in a pod. My Bonnie & Clyde. I needed my stimulant and my depressant to level myself out. You two were a bad mama jama. I took you for granted and became paralyzed to the disease. I’m blessed to be alive but forever a drug addict.

#GratefulRecoveringAlcoholicAddict