Stand By Me

This Blog Post is for the Wives, Husbands, Girlfriends, Boyfriends or Loved Ones.

You have traveled a rocky road. You have had a long rendezvous with hurt pride, frustration, self pity, misunderstanding and fear. We alcoholics or addicts are not pleasant companions. You have been driven to tears, sympathy and bitter resentment. Some of you hoping that one day your love one would be themselves once more.


You have been unselfish and self sacrificing. You told lies to protect your love one’s pride and reputation. You prayed, begged, and tried to be patient. But you struck out, hid, ran away, became hysterical or just were terrified to approach them.


You wake up with hopes of a new day, a new person but suddenly realize as the day goes on they didn’t change. Maybe for a couple hours, a week or two, but the gut in your stomach fears they will resort back to their old destructive ways.


You love them so much and have no idea how to help them. Realize you are not the problem nor the solution. The alcoholic or addict has no idea how much they are being harmful to you or others. You can guide and suggest for them to get outside help without getting into arguments. Hard yes, but don’t give up. Never ever blame yourself. You are the strongest ones to live and come out of this environment. Sometimes as a last resort you have to let go and stop enabling too.

RelationshipGoals #NotYourFault #StandByMe #Recovery

BlackLivesMatter

I’m Frustrated!

Frustrated at the actions of the people who are suppose to protect.

Frustrated that right now my skin makes me a logical suspect.

Frustrated that it’s 2020 & there’s still White People who will view me as a threat.

Frustrated that it can be me, my dad, my sister, my mother or my kids that are next.

And please I apologize of the vulgar nature of my words.

But I’m frustrated at the fact this injustice still occurs.

I’m frustrated at the blind eye, the back and forth on my FB newsfeed timeline.

I’m frustrated that we yelling but still our voices never heard.

Ignored by the system who says me as a person has rights too.

But how can you fight for a system when the system rather fight you.

Ignored by the media who sees first hand where the verdict may fall.

And instead of speaking with common decency they say “well the video doesn’t tell it all”.

Ignored by the cops a.k.a worlds most dangerous crew.

Because right now the Blacks don’t look like the worlds most dangerous blue.

Me being a black man, gives me more reason to be scared to get slained by the blue.

They say follow the guidelines and you’ll be safe I say shiiiittttttttt.

How can I follow the guidelines when you keep changing the rules?

They scream…Hands up! I’m like nope don’t want to get gunned down.

I can’t have a bag of skittles without getting gunned down.

I can’t have a hair brush in my pocket, if you ask me for my ID, I can’t reach for my wallet.

I can’t sleep I can’t breathe I can’t be in my church or my crib.

I can’t be face down in the pavement with 4 cops on my back holding my hands, I can’t live!

I’m talking to the police who have it in their mind it’s open season to kill us down in the street.

I’m talking to the news who always have an excuse for them boys in blue, take a seat.

Is my own people going against my own people when all we need is unity.

My own people saying negative comments about my own people fighting for this community.

Is denouncing your race just because your shade made differ.

Because in they eyes, light medium or dark we all still…

Help,
No matter your race now is the time to speak.
All lives matter yes, but right now black lives is catching the heat.

The police need help, help with training or maybe a better course.

So they can learn the gun is not your first option and should be the last resort.

Help,
Because TV is going to paint us as the villains.

Say our reaction came with no cause to distract the world from the killings.

And I know You hearing our cries for help but instead of responding back.

You just sit and watch and wait for all of this to just pass.

But think, if you just stand up and say “This must stop, we gotta do better”.

We can stop the downpour and Prepare for the weather.

Think of the impact, if the police spoke to us ALL.

And said “those policed failed to do there job and will be punished by law”.

Think if a judge took a stance and said enough is enough!

And didn’t give light sentences only ones that were tough.

Think of right now, and the trends that we see.

And how the law may say it now but it’s clear we ain’t free.

Think fight
Not with guns, but with a voice that’s clear to speak

Think fight
Not with your hands but To wake people who are sleep.

Think fight
Not the physical but for the right to live free.

Think fight!

#BlackLivesMatter

My Baby Boy!!!

Quentin Rexford King 🤴🏽—

Your baby hand:
so strong, so small.
Your fragile head;
I won’t let you fall.

Your eyes are closed,
and you’re asleep;
yet you are perfect
from hair to feet.

Come, open your eyes!
I want to see if they are brown or blue.
Open your eyes
to see me say, “I love you.”

I saw you when you
were few hours old,
wrapped in a blanket
so you would’t get cold.

Little baby Quentin,
I’ll always be with you.
Little baby Quentin,
I’ll always love you. ❤️

You’re My Baby Boy!!!

Mr. King

ADDICTION: Hey there old friend. Maybe friend isn’t the correct term, so allow me to rephrase. Hello old habit. You and me were best friends. We were the Bert and Ernie of our time and yes we flew over the cliff and plunged into the abyss. I was sick and I only needed you. No chicken soup could cure this sickness. I thought you were all the antibiotics I needed. You and me were married once. I woke up to you, thought about you all day long, and rushed you into my arms at night. But that was just the honeymoon phase.


My friend, my disease. I was in it not for the thrill of the chase but for the end of my pain. When I was with you I saw my dreams come true. Pigs were flying, so I thought. I didn’t have to believe I was dying. I didn’t have to care about Mom, Dad, and anyone that showed me love. I avoided all and many. I only cared about cutting the perfect line, rolling a perfect dime, and making sure I didn’t look high. If I said I didn’t miss you I would be lying but hey, you’ve made a liar out of me before.


It’s easy to try and ignore the hell you put me through, but I would walk a thousand miles of hells seventh floor before I slip back into that fantasy. That coma of things that have never been and could never not be. Me and the devil have danced nine times to many and I know all his sweet moves. The devil put me in a checkmate I never saw coming.


My friend, my affliction, Kryptonite doesn’t have a damn thing on you! You kept me down for years and years and years. Only down was up and up was blue and it was way to difficult to stop believing in you. Believing you were better than real love. I loved you so much. You were my sweetheart, my carebear, my snow white, my green sticky icky, my pill kill, my daily fix. But you can’t fix this! You can’t fix my past or make my future bright. I know I sound like I’ve suddenly seen the light but it was always there. I just chose to close my eyes.


My friend I think it’s best we stop playing this game. It’s time I call you by your true name. ADDICTION, you were never my friend only another bullet I’d bitten. ADDICTION you are my cancer, you may not be stage four but you’re still terminal. You were the Woody to my Buzz Lightyear. Only now if I am driven to the edge of insanity I’ll skid to a stop. I will watch as you fall over the edge, and I’ll smile as you dive into oblivion. A place I never ever ever ever again want to be.

ADDICTION

#GratefulRecoveringAlcoholicAddict

Struggle – Recovery – Journey

Let me start off by saying, if you’re reading this I love you. It is so easy for me to find the good in you and love you, especially when you may be having trouble loving yourself. When you’re having a hard time standing up on your own, I’ll find a way to help and lift you up. When my phone rings at any point of the day or through the night, I will answer it and listen to you. I may not have the words to make things better but I will continue to do the best I can to help you get you through whatever you’re dealing with. God gave me a gift of empathy, and I use it the best I can to help others. Thats how I cope, thats the only way that I know that I will be alright.

But, I can’t save you. I remember my last words and conversations to countless amounts of friends that have passed on. Great memories of times that we’ve shared. I can’t look back and say “what if…” The truth is life goes on. Tonight, somebody else may die. I can’t control that, no one can. I will continue to open my arms and stand on the firing line of recovery, with my friends that choose to walk this path with me. I will continue to get to know you, learn about the struggles you’ve overcome and the person you want to be. I will continue to suit up and show up for God, and for myself….because the truth is, we are fighting the same battle. I need you just as much as you need me. Give yourself a chance. Ask for help. WE don’t need to do this alone. 🙏🏽❤️

Family Ties

One thing I know about Pain is that it doesnt last forever. Another thing is that when you get over the pain, you learn from it. It makes you stronger. Always remember that. Take your best shot, it’s not going to hurt. I’m numb to the pain but I’m no longer on the percs.

My Mom still to this day, though she clean, I wish my momma never abused drugs. But the hurt is making me better with this gift of sobriety. My Dad is so naive to knowing he’s an addict. It’s just a constant reminder that I’m an addict and not afraid to admit it. My Sister was so unsuspecting how could an older sibling let me slip through the cracks? It’s ok sis it’s not your fault. My pain made us stronger. My smile no longer hides the demons.

Back before all the alcohol, drugs and addictions Charles reminded you of light trapped in light. He reminded you of the sun just night after night. He reminded you of life, how to smile when you’re down. How he grew up, his who, what, why’s, when’s, and how’s reminded you of happiness. He reminded you to be you and you haven’t had to remind him in a while. He reminded you of that one thing you could never get back…Time.

#GratefulRecoveringAlcoholicAddict

No Love Lost

Apologies to my Exes and women I womanized. No this isn’t my confessions. Sorry, just an appreciation of your time and investment, patience and efforts. Having you all was part of a blessing. You all belong on a pedestal. No hard feelings, no love lost. No bad blood, your love is a bad drug. But better to have love than no love at all.

Disciplining my habits, went distant on my attachments. I had to turn my presence to absence. Stuck in a cage, questioning the hours and days. I’m in my Depressional stage, my tunnel vision is starting to fade. I started to marry my thoughts, already engaged. Not knowing my next move had me going insane. I depended on Alcohol to get me over the pain. Praying my habit didn’t turn for the worst. It turned me to pills and cocaine. I won’t allow this temporary pain to turn to a stain.

I want to live but my joy for life is stuck in the grave. God I need you more than ever, I was hoping you came. I was so used to holding life in, it’s kind of hard to explain. I was misunderstood. Far from perfect, did a lot of stupid, crazy things I knew I shouldn’t. Ducking my demons but they coming back like a speeding bullet. My life is crazy out here, it’s like I love it and I hate it out here. I have to be mentally stable to know these 3 words…I Am Sorry.

❤️

Crooked Smiles

I’m cut from a different cloth. They love my sense of humor, say I’m a clown that’s why they stayed around. I went from class clown to being hopeless, lonely and down. I became an outcast in my own mind. Closet drinker to isolated drug user but this time in the moment I moved past that.

Friendships I thought I had, fizzled. I didn’t get angrier, but the chip on my shoulder did. If your not losing friends, your not growing up. Sobriety made me grow up so it comes with the territory I guess. They weren’t good for me anymore so I had to let Go.

My past can not be changed, forgotten, edited, or erased; it can only be accepted. I heal my past because I care about my future but I stay in the present one day at time to maintain my Recovery.

#OldVsNew #GoodVsEvil #DrunkVsSober

Gone Missing

Alcohol tells truth, but its truth is not normal. My road of lies were coming to an end but my final lie was my last, yet the most powerful. I left home on a Thursday morning and never returned home until Sunday night. I ignored calls/texts from my wife. In between those days were the darkest eye opening experiences. For I had succumbed to my insidious disease.

____

My drunkenness was a temporary suicide. At some point, the booze stopped working. That’s when drinking started sucking. Every time I drank, I could feel pieces of me leaving. I continued to drink until there was nothing left. Just emptiness. No happiness. I last stood at the bar asking myself why am I here and what am I doing with my life Charles?

____

I’ll always remember a friend saying to me “so you brought 10 grams of cocaine to a 6 person BBQ and you’re the only 1 that uses it here.” I laughed and realized at the same time I had a drug problem. I was drinking and drugging alone my final months that I didn’t even realize when I was around people that it was abnormal.

____

One key symptom of alcoholism is that the individual comes to need a drink for every mood–one to calm down, one to perk up, one to celebrate, one to deal with disappointment, and so on. I combined all my addictions and my life became unmanageable.

#Missing #Loneliness #LiesAreAHandful #Recovery

Reflections

There are 3 things in life that leave and never return: Words, Time and Opportunities — Therefore, value whoever values you and don’t treat as a priority whoever treats you as an option.

____

There are two ways to be happy: Change the situation or Change your mindset towards it. Today I’m happy to be happy. I lied to myself for far too long in which like any lie does, it spreads upon others.

____

Be a reflection of what you’d like to see in others! If you want Love, give Love. If you want Honesty, give Honesty. If you want Respect, give Respect. You get in Return, what you Give.

#Change4Change #NoLies #ImSorry #Recovery