I suffer from Mental Illness:
I stand in the shower head against the tile wondering is my life worth living. The water turns from hot to ice cold down the drain spinning. Why Me? Why Me? Why Me? I want to be “normal”. I want thoughts of better days but that’s impossible when my mind is a dead end maze. I’m good one minute, psycho the next. Ohh Hello BIPOLAR you came out to play. Is this just a brief stop or you deciding to stay. Come along the ride with DEPRESSION and pick up ANXIETY while you are at it. A MANIC trio on a road of disaster. Charles take these HAPPY pills it will swallow the pain and agony but in reality I’m swallowed whole grasping for air. I see a little light…HOPE.
I am not ashamed to say it. It’s the Stigma that shames us all. Just thankful to shed some light upon my darkest hours. We scroll up and down Facebook overlooking the underlying issues of one in danger or seeking help.
There’s only One that Sees and Hears the Pain We Hide From Others. A tear is made of 1% water and 99% feelings. Sometimes sad memories sneak out my eyes and roll down my cheeks. I hide behind my smile and laughter that it breaks my heart and I’m falling apart. Behind my brown eyes are so many hidden tears and behind my body is a soul trying to fight.
~~ The Struggle is Real but The Fight is Stronger ~~
– Charles Louis King
These days, it’s common to hear Americans say “he is OCD.” We laugh and understand that the person is unrealistically particular or strict in their behavior. That’s funny and lighthearted, but the REAL meaning of OCD in a clinical sense is really NOT funny at all. OCD has often been referred to as the “disease of doubt” because its sufferers are not quite sure if they did the last ritual quite right or are unsure if they really completed it correctly!
People sometimes tell me I don’t have anything to be anxious about. But the whole point of OCD creates things for me to be anxious about. I have OCD mixed with ADD, try living with that combination. Having OCD is like living with a bully in your head constantly. OCD is not an adjective, it’s a serious illness. OCD is not a disease that bothers; it’s a disease that tortures.
I have CDO…it’s like OCD but all the letters are in alphabetical order as they should be.
Living with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is like being locked in room with 100 televisions and 100 radios all playing. None of them have power buttons so you can turn them off and the door is locked from the outside. I think about things before breakfast than most people think all day.
Another medication notched under my belt. The dopamine is released at a fast rate because don’t forget I’m a recovering drug addict. This tiny powerful pill helps me focus at school and work. Fear of taking it because just 3 years ago I was abusing it for a different kind of high.
I have extreme levels of impulsivity, distractibility and forgetfulness. I always have grand plans and enthusiastically start tasks, but I find it hard to finish them. I’m a risk taker and will do anything thrown my way without thought. You could be speaking directly at me and I’m thinking did I turn the lights off before I left the house. Just another obstacle we must overcome.
Ohhhh Look a Butterfly.