I’m An Alcoholic

I knew something was wrong with me and drinking for a long while before I started to seriously consider cutting it out. This is because the thought of a life without alcohol seemed to me to be entirely unimaginable. My entire life was BUILT around alcohol.

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I made it a point of avoiding dry events and dry people, eating dinner out was conditioned right to the drink menu, vacations were excuses to be day drunk. I had to pre-game before the pre-game. I could go on and on. On the other hand, I LOATHED what it was doing to my looks, my self-esteem, my time, my world, my mental health, my maturity, my emotional balance, my wallet, etc. I literally hated it. But living without it seemed like the end of the world. Or at least the end of my world.

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So I did what most people do – I tried to prove to myself that I could moderate it so I could keep it in my life. I tried to limit it to weekends. I ditched it for two days here or one week there. I’d try and limit it to a specific number of drinks. I even tried diluting my whiskey straight with water – to slow my drinking down. None of this ever worked. I’d just end up either obsessing over it or making exceptions to the rules or completely going off the deep end despite myself, and then inevitably, beating the crap out of myself about it.

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If you are in this place – the one where you KNOW that alcohol is screwing with your life and something must be done, but the thought of giving up the “good parts” seems unacceptable – and you’re still searching for a way to

control it and keep it in your life…Ask for Help.

#ControlledDrinkingWasntTheAnswer

#ImAnAlcoholic

#NoDesires

#Recovery

Open Letter 2 my Friends

(An Open Letter)

Dear Friends:

Pen & Pad:

When I was going to commit suicide the Pen & Pad were by my side. They saw and felt the tears. They felt the pain and anguish. They were the rhyme of reason. They said STOP!

Jack Daniels, Budweiser, Pills & Cocaine:

You were by my side always at arms reach. You were my protectors and saviors. You got me through my Highs and Lows (literally and figuratively). You always said yes and didn’t take no for an answer. Road Trips, Vacations, Holidays and Celebrations you were right there with me. You never judged me. You asked me how I’m feeling and What’s Wrong? You said GO!

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What is a Friend?

A person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection.

A person who has a strong liking for and trust in another person.

A person who is not an enemy friend or foe.

A person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

A person who gives assistance, patron, or supporter.

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Friends: Everyone thinks they have them. Most are quick to throw the label on any Jack or Jill who hangs around adorned with a smile, a few jokes, and good conversation. But how many of us really have authentic ride-or-die? How many of us know what a genuine friend is? It took me some time to figure it out, but through my experiences, I eventually learned the meaning of a true friend.

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Sometimes we get wrapped up in people just because we spend a little time with them or feel connected to their personalities. I for one can attest to this. There have been plenty times where I’ve prematurely categorized people as allies just because we hung out, shared laughs, and a few fun-filled episodes. And I won’t mention how many of those same so-called comrades turned out to be backstabbers who betrayed me, deceived me, and were non-existent when I needed them most.

Sincerely,

Charles Louis King

Open Letter 2 Mom & Dad

(An Open Letter)

Dear Mom & Dad:

MOM: In my mid twenties, when my drinking was not yet out of control, we started bonding over a few drinks. A few drinks lead to different roads but the same outcome…Alcoholism.

DAD: I know my daddy sitting in that daze going crazy. Thinking about his little boy Charlie, like his life amazing. But he doesn’t even owe me. That’s my daddy but he doesn’t really even know me. They say Charles you grew up, you grew up without a father.

But I see now that shit really just made me grind harder. The Lies will be forever in your…Addiction

My mama use to pray for me every night I was thinking maybe I’m going straight to hell. The devil got a hold of me but I gotta let him go. I just kept praying for escape and serenity.

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As a former young alcoholic/addict and now a slightly older recovering alcoholic/addict, I don’t have anything original to contribute other than my own experience. My story is inspiring and remarkable except for the fact that an absolute miracle happened 3 years ago, and I continue to be blessed everyday with a life that I never could have imagined.

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My personal experience with addiction and recovery hopefully will resonate with some readers and provide some insight, comfort, and hope. They say you’re a product of your environment. Growing up watching you two parents destroy your bodies from addictions I sure was following your path but you didn’t make me an alcoholic/addict. Long before I took my first drink or used my first drug, I started on a path that led me into my addictions.

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At least in my experience, no amount of intervention could have prevented me from making the choices I made. I was a deadly combination of naïve, stubborn, foolish, and scared, and I got there on my own.

Sincerely,

Charles Louis King

Bipolar = Unique

My Bipolar Disorder is like being on a roller coaster ride. Sometimes I can predict the drop offs and other times I just have to hang on because the next turn sends me into an unexpected spiral. Sometimes I’m laughing and throwing my hands in the air and then other times I’m clinging, simply holding on for dear life screaming at the top of my lungs.

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Having bipolar disorder does not mean you are broken, it means you are strong and brave for battling your mind every single day. I just have this happy personality and a sad soul in one body. It feels weird sometimes. I say I’m weird because I know I’m weird. I don’t have a problem with it because that’s me. Whoever doesn’t like it, they don’t have to be around me. I’m comfortable with me and who I am.

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“If you’re always trying to be “Normal” you will never know how amazing you can be.” I am not normal. I am different, unique, strange, odd, weird, funny, kind, nice, nerdy…but I am not normal. I do not want to be normal. I share a common bond with those that have the same disorders as myself. I’m proud and not afraid. Keep Fighting.

#MentalHealthAwareness

The Outsider

I’ve always been an outsider; a displaced person. Trying to fit in that inner circle. I felt wanted, popular, protected and loved. But it was only false hopes, beliefs, values and morals. I was a chameleon fed drugs, alcohol and any other addictions that made me “happy”.

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I’m an addict got a habitual habit and I don’t avoid voids. Good at substitution replacing shit. I’m just trying to find my place with shit. I don’t have patience with people that can’t speak they mind. What the fuck they got a mouth for? Me, I’m so full of rage so used to being caged. I probably shouldn’t be outdoors. Everybody so scared of the TRUTH. Look in my eyes you stare at the TRUTH.

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You still have a lot of time to make yourself be what you want. There’s still lots of good in the world. Although I’m clean and sober, I’m still surrounded around all the negativity, the bullshit, the liars, the cheaters, the conniving, the judgementals, the gossipers and the chronic relapsers. I’m taught to live life on life’s terms and live Just For Today. To witness and hear all those types of people in a day is stressful in itself. But I don’t pick up a drink NO MATTER WHAT.