Open Letter 2 my Sister

(An Open Letter)

Dear Sister:

From childhood to adulthood we teased and irritated each other but at the end of the day we can’t live without each other. I’ve made you cry, you’ve made me cry. Those tears were love, joy, pain and sympathy. We know each other’s hearts. We know what makes us tick. We share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets.

You are my only sibling, the one that I look up to for advice, support and vent to. You didn’t get the addiction gene from our parents and I don’t fault you for that. I try to shed light to the matter and not make it a private family matter. We all die one day so there’s no need to go to our graves with skeletons in our closet. You don’t understand my alcoholism, drug addiction and mental illness. But that’s ok. You never judge and willing to learn about me with your 21 questions.

We are cut from the same cloth but chose different paths in life. You never saw my destruction coming because I hid it so well. You laughed and thought that’s Charles being Charles. In reality I was to scared to reach out to you. I’m an alcoholic who hated himself when he didn’t drink. Not only did I lose my sister but I lost a friend that really knows me. We don’t say I love you to one another but our actions speak the love not spoken. I love you Big Sis.

Sincerely,

Your Brother

Charles

Open Letter to Me

(An Open Letter)

Dear Self:

It’s me, you.

I have been writing to other people who are significant in my life, but I realized I have never ever written one to myself.

How have you been? You and I have been on quite a journey the past few years. We have hugged our knees praying, cried for hours till the tears dried, the throat hurt and the nose blocked, yet we continued crying. We have sat there on the shower floor, just in daze at that stormy situation that surrounded us. We have drank so much alcohol to numb that pain. That heart wrenching pain is real.

You and I, we also pushed ourselves to use different drugs and try different alcoholic beverages. I have seen you have everything you probably wanted. I have also seen you losing it all, suddenly and perhaps in a cruel way. Life is not a straight line, there are ups and downs. It is a series of twists and turns.

I am sorry for all those times where I wanted to tear you apart. I am sorry for all the times I let you hang your head down low, for all the times I let you win, and beat myself up because of those insecurities. I was not strong enough to encourage, support and appreciate you.

I know life has been tough for you the past few years but you have done quite a good job to stay alive. I have seen you plummet to the state of despair and depress. Thank you for not giving up. You know, I am extremely proud that you managed to survive through that suicide.

Have you noticed lately how much you have changed? I did. You have improved much more. You are now much confident to speak up on things on your mind and rise up to challenges. You are now able to sleep soundly without drugs or alcohol. You have a gorgeous baby, who is thriving. She will benefit from all these lessons you are learning, so although it is a tremendous strain, remember she will learn from your strength to get through this.

As I am writing this letter, you have not fully figured out how your life will be yet. Let’s make a pact. Come back to re-read this letter 5 years later, and update me how you are doing. I truly hope that by that time, you have found your happiness and that you have followed a path that you are proud of.

Remember, behind those dark clouds, the sun is still shining.

You have got through this far. Continue to be strong. Do not stop loving. Do not stop caring.

You are always loved, by me. I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am the tunnel.

Above all else, be true to yourself.

Hugs & Kisses

Love you,

Me

Open Letter 2 my Friends

(An Open Letter)

Dear Friends:

Pen & Pad:

When I was going to commit suicide the Pen & Pad were by my side. They saw and felt the tears. They felt the pain and anguish. They were the rhyme of reason. They said STOP!

Jack Daniels, Budweiser, Pills & Cocaine:

You were by my side always at arms reach. You were my protectors and saviors. You got me through my Highs and Lows (literally and figuratively). You always said yes and didn’t take no for an answer. Road Trips, Vacations, Holidays and Celebrations you were right there with me. You never judged me. You asked me how I’m feeling and What’s Wrong? You said GO!

____

What is a Friend?

A person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection.

A person who has a strong liking for and trust in another person.

A person who is not an enemy friend or foe.

A person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

A person who gives assistance, patron, or supporter.

____

Friends: Everyone thinks they have them. Most are quick to throw the label on any Jack or Jill who hangs around adorned with a smile, a few jokes, and good conversation. But how many of us really have authentic ride-or-die? How many of us know what a genuine friend is? It took me some time to figure it out, but through my experiences, I eventually learned the meaning of a true friend.

___

Sometimes we get wrapped up in people just because we spend a little time with them or feel connected to their personalities. I for one can attest to this. There have been plenty times where I’ve prematurely categorized people as allies just because we hung out, shared laughs, and a few fun-filled episodes. And I won’t mention how many of those same so-called comrades turned out to be backstabbers who betrayed me, deceived me, and were non-existent when I needed them most.

Sincerely,

Charles Louis King

Open Letter 2 Mom & Dad

(An Open Letter)

Dear Mom & Dad:

MOM: In my mid twenties, when my drinking was not yet out of control, we started bonding over a few drinks. A few drinks lead to different roads but the same outcome…Alcoholism.

DAD: I know my daddy sitting in that daze going crazy. Thinking about his little boy Charlie, like his life amazing. But he doesn’t even owe me. That’s my daddy but he doesn’t really even know me. They say Charles you grew up, you grew up without a father.

But I see now that shit really just made me grind harder. The Lies will be forever in your…Addiction

My mama use to pray for me every night I was thinking maybe I’m going straight to hell. The devil got a hold of me but I gotta let him go. I just kept praying for escape and serenity.

_____

As a former young alcoholic/addict and now a slightly older recovering alcoholic/addict, I don’t have anything original to contribute other than my own experience. My story is inspiring and remarkable except for the fact that an absolute miracle happened 3 years ago, and I continue to be blessed everyday with a life that I never could have imagined.

_____

My personal experience with addiction and recovery hopefully will resonate with some readers and provide some insight, comfort, and hope. They say you’re a product of your environment. Growing up watching you two parents destroy your bodies from addictions I sure was following your path but you didn’t make me an alcoholic/addict. Long before I took my first drink or used my first drug, I started on a path that led me into my addictions.

_____

At least in my experience, no amount of intervention could have prevented me from making the choices I made. I was a deadly combination of naïve, stubborn, foolish, and scared, and I got there on my own.

Sincerely,

Charles Louis King

Open Letter 2 my Daughter

(An Open Letter)

Dear Daughter:

It’s difficult being me. But we are one in the same. You can’t talk right now but your face says it all. You melt my heart and make daddy’s mental state disappear. Don’t get discouraged. My beloved pain and mental illness is part of life.

I promise you that I will turn every tear you’ve ever cried into Joy. I will use our pain for a divine purpose. Don’t ever try to hide your hurts from me and I will never hide mine to you. We are ONE. Your love is my love. Your pain is my pain. I’m the only one who can handle your heart ❤️ and restore you to health again.

As you grow older you will encounter pain, rejection and anger. I too, have felt but we will get through every trial and tribulation together. Hold my hand for I will ALWAYS lead you back to my place of peace and joy after the storm. The sun forever shines bright on you and our hearts will heal together.

My 🌹ose, my princess, when you go through deep rivers of difficultly, you will not drown because I’m there holding your head above water.

I’m your Dada, your King, and your Healer.

I Love You,

xoxo

Dada

Living Proof

Yes, Imagine how hard it must be to Live it. You know shit about the thoughts in my head. Or the strength I need daily just to get out of bed; Just to open my eyes. Don’t mention a person’s past mistakes when they are trying to Change. That’s like throwing rocks at them while they climb a mountain.

____

Forget what hurt you, but never forget what it taught you. Never forget how far you’ve come. Everything you have gotten through. All the times you have pushed on even when you felt you couldn’t. All the mornings you wanted to give up but you got through another day. Never forget how much strength you have learned and developed.

____

I’m trying to improve my future so there’s no need to mention my past. The only person you should try to be better than, is the person you were yesterday. One day? or Day One. You Decide.

#Strength #Onedayatatime #HateTheDisease #Recovery

I am.

I was an addict. I was a drug addict.

It took me a long time to utter those words in my own head, let alone speak them out loud or pen them down.

Looking back on my past as a drug user, I can tell you that we, us “addicts,” never intentionally set out to become that way; I never intended to hurt myself, but most of all, I never intended to hurt you all.

I am Sorry!

______

Here is how it works: something strikes our lives that is not emotionally or physically bearable, and we seek help. Oftentimes that “help” results in drugs and/or alcohol. At first, the drugs are a welcome reprieve from the pain and torment my body and mind endured each day. The drugs took me back to the place that I so desperately longed for, the place of “normal”. I just wanted to feel the way everyone else seemed to “feel”. I wanted happiness; I wanted a morning that didn’t start with pain and agony or mental anguish.

_____

Being a Drug Addict I was a lonely creature. Mainly because I was jealous of the happiness everyone around me seemed to have, yet I couldn’t seem to find mine. So, I retracted from life. I started taking more. And more. And more. This was my fault, and I knew it. However, I couldn’t stop. I wouldn’t stop.

Addicts, myself included, can tell you that asking for help, admitting I was fucked up and didn’t know how to escape was the hardest part. It was embarrassing as I was headstrong seeing I had rebutted all of the arguments over the years claiming I was NOT a drug addict.

But I was. I am.

#SeeTheLight #Addict #Recovery