Deadbeat Dad

All I can think of to say to my father is…

Hey “Dad” I did it without you.

To the man who abandoned me 25+ years ago, Thank You. You showed me that not only can I survive without you, but that I can build my own life that doesn’t involve you or any memories of you. Yes, there are things that I inherited from you (your facial features and your humor) but when I look at myself, I no longer see you. I see a confident young man who has overcome his past demons and is creating a brighter future for himself and his family.

_____

Yes, there are still times where I want to ask him why wasn’t/isn’t he a great father to begin with? But knowing the second he open his mouth a spew of lies will outwardly follow. Being a coward, why speak ill words about my mother? The second half of my creation yet you play the blame game to her parenting skills. But most importantly why you left me to grow up without you. But I’ve realized that doing that will destroy any blockade I have in my mind of you, because my times with you weren’t pleasant at all. How many more lives can you affect — from my sister, to your sisters, to my wife, to your granddaughter, and so on and so on. The term Cancer is the first thing that comes to mind. You manipulate and play the poor victim to others around you.

_____

Recently I’ve been told by numerous family members and friends to “forgive and forget” or “be the bigger man”. Yet the funny part of that all is: I HAVE ALREADY. AA has taught me not to hold onto past resentments, to let go of anger, and to forgive. There’s two sides to every story: I’m living a righteous life of years of being clean and sober. The other side hasn’t cleaned their side of the street yet they speak ignorance. So thank you, thank you for leaving my life without a proper goodbye. Thank you for giving me a better life. I’ve done so well without you “Dad”.

#BiggerMan #Maturity #Honesty #Recovery

2 thoughts on “Deadbeat Dad

  1. Charles I admire you for being strong and coming through. My situation with my Dad was different he was in my life but abusive to me my siblings and my Mum, At times throughout my childhood I would wish he would go and never come back into our lives because he just made our lives hell. For years I was angry and full of hate but now an adult I have learnt to forgive him I can’t forget though. Looking back I am now full of pity for him and realized he was damaged goods himself and in no way ready to be a Father. Looking into and understanding his background I realize that he was bereft of love himself and was not capable giving it. Maybe your Dad’s upbringing had an impact on the man he turned out to be. Just make sure that when you are or if you are already a father be best that you can. Peace

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. I am a father now and strive to be the best father I can be without being my father or my grandfather. Breaking the cycle you may say. I have forgiven my father and at peace. I just don’t have him in my life because of his negativity and being an addict.

      Like

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