I knew something was wrong with me and drinking for a long while before I started to seriously consider cutting it out. This is because the thought of a life without alcohol seemed to me to be entirely unimaginable. My entire life was BUILT around alcohol.
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I made it a point of avoiding dry events and dry people, eating dinner out was conditioned right to the drink menu, vacations were excuses to be day drunk. I had to pre-game before the pre-game. I could go on and on. On the other hand, I LOATHED what it was doing to my looks, my self-esteem, my time, my world, my mental health, my maturity, my emotional balance, my wallet, etc. I literally hated it. But living without it seemed like the end of the world. Or at least the end of my world.
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So I did what most people do – I tried to prove to myself that I could moderate it so I could keep it in my life. I tried to limit it to weekends. I ditched it for two days here or one week there. I’d try and limit it to a specific number of drinks. I even tried diluting my whiskey straight with water – to slow my drinking down. None of this ever worked. I’d just end up either obsessing over it or making exceptions to the rules or completely going off the deep end despite myself, and then inevitably, beating the crap out of myself about it.
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If you are in this place – the one where you KNOW that alcohol is screwing with your life and something must be done, but the thought of giving up the “good parts” seems unacceptable – and you’re still searching for a way to
control it and keep it in your life…Ask for Help.
#ControlledDrinkingWasntTheAnswer
#ImAnAlcoholic
#NoDesires
#Recovery
