I am.

I was an addict. I was a drug addict.

It took me a long time to utter those words in my own head, let alone speak them out loud or pen them down.

Looking back on my past as a drug user, I can tell you that we, us “addicts,” never intentionally set out to become that way; I never intended to hurt myself, but most of all, I never intended to hurt you all.

I am Sorry!

______

Here is how it works: something strikes our lives that is not emotionally or physically bearable, and we seek help. Oftentimes that “help” results in drugs and/or alcohol. At first, the drugs are a welcome reprieve from the pain and torment my body and mind endured each day. The drugs took me back to the place that I so desperately longed for, the place of “normal”. I just wanted to feel the way everyone else seemed to “feel”. I wanted happiness; I wanted a morning that didn’t start with pain and agony or mental anguish.

_____

Being a Drug Addict I was a lonely creature. Mainly because I was jealous of the happiness everyone around me seemed to have, yet I couldn’t seem to find mine. So, I retracted from life. I started taking more. And more. And more. This was my fault, and I knew it. However, I couldn’t stop. I wouldn’t stop.

Addicts, myself included, can tell you that asking for help, admitting I was fucked up and didn’t know how to escape was the hardest part. It was embarrassing as I was headstrong seeing I had rebutted all of the arguments over the years claiming I was NOT a drug addict.

But I was. I am.

#SeeTheLight #Addict #Recovery

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