Alcohol tells truth, but its truth is not normal. My road of lies were coming to an end but my final lie was my last, yet the most powerful. I left home on a Thursday morning and never returned home until Sunday night. I ignored calls/texts from my wife. In between those days were the darkest eye opening experiences. For I had succumbed to my insidious disease.
My drunkenness was a temporary suicide. At some point, the booze stopped working. That’s when drinking started sucking. Every time I drank, I could feel pieces of me leaving. I continued to drink until there was nothing left. Just emptiness. No happiness. I last stood at the bar asking myself why am I here and what am I doing with my life Charles.
I’ll always remember a friend saying to me “so you bought 10 grams of cocaine to a 6 person BBQ and you’re the only 1 that uses it here.” I laughed and realized at the same time I have a problem. I was drinking and drugging alone my final months that I didn’t even realize when I was around people that it was abnormal.
One key symptom of alcoholism is that the individual comes to need a drink for every mood–one to calm down, one to perk up, one to celebrate, one to deal with disappointment, and so on. I combined all my addictions and my life became unmanageable.
#Missing #Loneliness #LiesAreAHandful #Recovery