I’m not ok, but in the end I always am and that is what matters. Sometimes it feels like society says you should be always happy, and that showing your sadness is a sign of weakness. This is far from true – if you were to hold in all your sadness or anger you would explode. Asking the right questions but getting the wrong answers.
Come to grips that it isn’t so much the drugs but it’s my addict behavior. I feel so alone, I had a crew, but so what. Now when I needed them most guess who showed up? My mindset is so ill my therapist told me that the pills would fix it. I’m sick of being sick. It finally hurts. I won’t let this mental disease turn against me for the worst. I need to hit the pause button and start all over again.
When tomorrow comes I know it’s only due to yesterday. Most of my character defects have been put in my past. If you only see them now then you’re overlooking my path. If you knew about my pain and hardships it would speak for itself. Trust me. Being stuck in the moment of despair you’ve never lived my life so you can’t imagine how real it is. I never wish upon anyone to go through depression, panic attacks or substance abuse.